It's a terrible pity.

Tannin is a natural component of tea. It's believed to be a homeopathic cure for foot odor because it is a natural astringent. That means it dries out your skin. If you soak your feet in strong black tea twice a day for two weeks you'll be odor free. As it is, I soak my tongue in strong black tea two or three times a day, and my tongue knows what my feet would feel like if I soaked them. Like rubber bands. But I soak my tongue in nicotine just as often so maybe that's part of it. Usually these two activities take place at the same time.

It's a pity that my tea and cigarette encounters never take place in the company of others. And when they do, it's not the other I want around. Usually. It's a pity, I think, as I slide my tongue over my teeth, back and forth, feeling the rubber-band-foot feeling of my mouth, staring across the little table at him. He's talking about something, and I'm just trying to figure out what he's really saying. Why we're really here. I don't trust him, and it's pitiful.

I'm distracted by this foot-in-mouth feeling I have.

It's better than spending the perfect weather and clear sky alone on my porch, but it would be even better if it were someone else. I'm never fucking satisfied. What a pity.

This is my fifth cup of tea, and the feeling is getting worse. It's resentful, and itchy. My tea is bitter because I don't get up to put more milk in it. It's also cold. I still don't really know what he's talking about, or why. I smile in a vague sort of way. Vague is a good word for the way in which I go about my day. Be someone else, I'm begging you. Be someone I haven't known from high school that grew up in that same shitty, orange and blue town, someone who doesn't know every single fucking one of my friends. I'm begging you.

I let him drive me home, even though it's only four blocks and I walk home at night every day of my life. The same four blocks, they look the same from inside his car. I try to feel awkward, but it doesn't fit. We know each other too well, even though we really don't know each other at all. Sometime soon, we'll do this again he tells me.

Please, I'm pleading with you. Be someone else.